Monday, February 24, 2014

Joshua

It was last Saturday night, I was sitting in a empty hospital hallway. Our friend's mom fell down and having a severe back pain. They said she is fine and it will be couple of hours before we can go home. So I was sitting in a empty hospital hallway, waiting, really bored.

As they say, idle mind is devils playground. My mind started wandering. I was thinking about why I haven't paid my tax yet, why filing a tax is still complicated? how did people do it in hundred years ago when there were no internet? reading a book in your phone sucks, Android battery sucks, why my son gets cold so often? why am I not happy as I used to be? what happened to my job? why ant sucks as build scripting language and what are the alternatives? why Gradle and SBT is not catching up fast enough? how did this cat do it?

If you have critical eyes, you would have noticed these are typical first world problems.

Meanwhile, a lady in her late forties came and sat across me with a stroller. After settling she started talking to the baby in silly language. I figured she is the grand ma. Grandparents standout. They are shameless and they are unbelievable addicted to their grandkids.

We started talking, I was complaining about my wife and my son's sleep habits and how he wakes up at least once a night. She said he is such a good baby and he sleeps through the night. While we continue talking, she mentioned they are looking for a good family to adopt him. His mom is young and she is not taking care of him well. Meanwhile she the grandma taking care of the baby.

I felt a void when I heard it. While we are talking, he had his head buried in her chest. He suddenly turned his head towards me and gave me a baby smile. His smile made me happy but his story saddened me deeply. You have to be a parent to know that feeling.

Here I am, grown up man, complaining about silly things and here he is, not even 4 months old, going though a hell of a life.

Hope you live a long and happy life Joshua.

To us all towns are one, all men our kin,
Life's good comes not from others' gifts, nor ill,
Man's pains and pain's relief are from within,
Death's no new thing, nor do our blossoms thrill
When joyous life seems like a luscious draught.
When grieved, we patient suffer;

Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
Whose breath gives life to all the world.
Hear me; I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made and my ears sharp to hear your voice
Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people.
Help me to remain calm and strong in the face of all that comes towards me.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf & rock.
Help me seek pure thoughts & act with the intention of helping others.
Help me find compassion without empathy overwhelming me.
I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy - Myself.
Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset, my spirit may come to you without shame.
--Native American - Lakota - Chief Yellow Lark - 1887

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